milestones
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“Deeper Magic”
A few weeks ago, J came out of his bedroom, looked me straight in the eye, and with a big smile announced, “I had a dream last night.” In the thirteen years I’ve been his mother J has never once talked about dreams. In fact, I’ve wondered if autistic kids dream at all. When W was a toddler and having all sorts of dreams and nightmares (one time after watching the Wizard of Oz, W woke up crying about the flying monkeys she thought were in her room sitting on her dresser and was shocked when we turned on the lights and they weren’t there), J was consistently radio silent…
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J’s First Track Meet
Athleticism is something that J has always struggled with. His brain and body just don’t communicate very well. It started with walking–J was a late walker, taking his first steps around 14 months. At first we thought that it was because J was just a conservative kid–a non risk taker. But then we saw other difficulties in his physical development. We learned he couldn’t jump with two feet off the ground when other toddlers his age found no problem with that. Learning to ride a bike was painful–oh so painful. I would plant J on a bike with training wheels and spend hours a week, pushing his thighs down, reaching…
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Life Lately
When J was little I treated his life and experiences as a recovery. I was going to make him better. I knew there was no cure for autism and that because of the complex nature of the neurological disorder there might not ever be one. But I was on a mission to make as many of his symptoms disappear as I could. I was going to make him as non-autistic as possible. I was going to fix him. I cringe when I think about the perspective I had. I would like to think I’m independent and strong and noble, that I see the injustices of discrimination in the world and I stand up for “the…
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Neverland
Up until now, I feel like we’ve been negotiating this puberty thing okay. J’s obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness. He would take showers three times a day if we let him. Flossing has to be followed up by mouthwash. We even introduced deodorant before the start of the school year. I let him choose out the scent, and we lucked out on the first try on the application type (it’s a click kind that dispenses a cool wet deodorant—something I thought he’d never go for sensory wise). We practice using it a couple of times a week because he really isn’t a smelly kid yet, but with autism, the more…
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Rites of Passage, Milestones, and Lawnmowers
I have a love hate relationship with rites of passage and milestones. Most of the time I hate them. They remind me of how “behind” J is, or how he’s just not like every other kid his age. I remember going to playgroups watching some babies walk and talk at ten months, their mothers proudly boasting their prodigy child’s accomplishments and then going home thinking, “My baby’s smart too. I know it. He’s just not doing those things right now.” Milestones, physical abilities, rites of passage. They’re all really big things. Some parents hold their children back in school so their kids can have an almost full year advantage over…
