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Blue Lights
Two weeks ago J and W were in the middle of DSW, patiently waiting for me to decide between five different variations of the same white sneaker. I walked down the aisle going back and forth between the shoes on display, while the kids dragged their feet behind me. “It’s lunchtime mom, I’m hungry,” said J. It was actually way past lunch time. It was 2 in the afternoon. I knew he was anxious, but I knew I still had probably 15-20 minutes until we were in the pre-meltdown zone. The kids had a snack before we left, which was how we gotten to this point, but J has ideas…
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Full Catastrophe Living
The turn of events this week are all because of one teeny tiny mistake. I thought J would picture this week in the exact same way as I pictured this week. I do this sometimes. I remove me and J from the world for a little bit, we work hard on hard things together, and then I expect us to end up at some better place I’ve created in my mind. I’m not shooting for the stars or anything. Just a small, positive change. One step forward instead of three steps back. That’s all. No Disney inspirational movie making plot here. I’m just looking for baby step progress. This is how I saw this week and…
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Negotiating Space
I have a world map and a map of the US folded and stacked on top of my jeans in my closet. J’s framed Imagine Dragons poster is also in our room, leaned up against the foot of our bed. They’ll be there until Tuesday, fingers crossed, until J earns the right to have them back. Right now when I get dressed or go to bed, I have these visual reminders of how much space J can take up in my life. It’s easy to let J overtake every aspect of my life. Space is something I have to fight for. It doesn’t just happen. I got married young (just shy of 21).…
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Neverland
Up until now, I feel like we’ve been negotiating this puberty thing okay. J’s obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness. He would take showers three times a day if we let him. Flossing has to be followed up by mouthwash. We even introduced deodorant before the start of the school year. I let him choose out the scent, and we lucked out on the first try on the application type (it’s a click kind that dispenses a cool wet deodorant—something I thought he’d never go for sensory wise). We practice using it a couple of times a week because he really isn’t a smelly kid yet, but with autism, the more…
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And Then Came Fred
Steve and I never planned on getting a dog. 13 years of marriage and it never came up once, that is until January of 2014. W had gotten a fish tank for Christmas and within a week and a half and three trips to Petco (and PetSmart) we went through five guppies. Five. It was really painful to watch, with W tearfully questioning what she’d done wrong and why they had to “just keep dying.” She’d run to her bedroom everyday as soon as she got home to see if her fish had died while she was at school. Then, while sitting on the edge of W’s bed with an arm full of…
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The Truth About Santa
Back in April, Steve, W, J, and I had a pow-wow in our living room. Steve wasn’t on board with the idea (he’s the one who loves our kids being little and doesn’t want them to grow up). I’m always the one who wants them to grow up (maybe it’s because of J and his delays; I have that extra push for my kids to be on their own and to ‘get things’). I had decided we were going to tell them the truth about the Easter bunny. After all, J was almost done his first year of middle school and W (even though she’s almost a full year younger than…
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Outwit, Outlast, Outplay: Lessons Learned from this Month
Apparently toughness runs in my blood. My paternal grandmother and her family lived through some tough times in Belarus. Her family had survived World War I (most of them, my great grandmother buried two children on the side of the road as they fled from the Germans) and somehow made it through the Polish Soviet war afterward before emigrating to Canada in 1926. My maternal grandfather grew up on the Saskatchewan prairie—in the middle of nowhere—in a log homestead where in those winter months of -30C the ice would come through the joints in the wall and he’d have to sleep in every article of clothing he owned to keep…
