motherhood
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Full Catastrophe Living
The turn of events this week are all because of one teeny tiny mistake. I thought J would picture this week in the exact same way as I pictured this week. I do this sometimes. I remove me and J from the world for a little bit, we work hard on hard things together, and then I expect us to end up at some better place I’ve created in my mind. I’m not shooting for the stars or anything. Just a small, positive change. One step forward instead of three steps back. That’s all. No Disney inspirational movie making plot here. I’m just looking for baby step progress. This is how I saw this week and…
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Negotiating Space
I have a world map and a map of the US folded and stacked on top of my jeans in my closet. J’s framed Imagine Dragons poster is also in our room, leaned up against the foot of our bed. They’ll be there until Tuesday, fingers crossed, until J earns the right to have them back. Right now when I get dressed or go to bed, I have these visual reminders of how much space J can take up in my life. It’s easy to let J overtake every aspect of my life. Space is something I have to fight for. It doesn’t just happen. I got married young (just shy of 21).…
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And Then Came Fred
Steve and I never planned on getting a dog. 13 years of marriage and it never came up once, that is until January of 2014. W had gotten a fish tank for Christmas and within a week and a half and three trips to Petco (and PetSmart) we went through five guppies. Five. It was really painful to watch, with W tearfully questioning what she’d done wrong and why they had to “just keep dying.” She’d run to her bedroom everyday as soon as she got home to see if her fish had died while she was at school. Then, while sitting on the edge of W’s bed with an arm full of…
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The Truth About Santa
Back in April, Steve, W, J, and I had a pow-wow in our living room. Steve wasn’t on board with the idea (he’s the one who loves our kids being little and doesn’t want them to grow up). I’m always the one who wants them to grow up (maybe it’s because of J and his delays; I have that extra push for my kids to be on their own and to ‘get things’). I had decided we were going to tell them the truth about the Easter bunny. After all, J was almost done his first year of middle school and W (even though she’s almost a full year younger than…
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Prepping for an IEP
J’s IEP is coming up this week. It’s something I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. I have binders full of Assessments, Evaluations, Re-Evaluations, Progress Reports, IFSPs (an IEP for kids under 3), IEPS (an Individual Education Program once a child turns 3),and behavioral assessments. I even have copies of “my rights” as a parent of a child with disabilities from three different states. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a parent without all of these binders. To just send your kids off to school and collect report cards a couple of times a year. Over the years, I’ve learned some things…
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Outwit, Outlast, Outplay: Lessons Learned from this Month
Apparently toughness runs in my blood. My paternal grandmother and her family lived through some tough times in Belarus. Her family had survived World War I (most of them, my great grandmother buried two children on the side of the road as they fled from the Germans) and somehow made it through the Polish Soviet war afterward before emigrating to Canada in 1926. My maternal grandfather grew up on the Saskatchewan prairie—in the middle of nowhere—in a log homestead where in those winter months of -30C the ice would come through the joints in the wall and he’d have to sleep in every article of clothing he owned to keep…
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Taylor Swift, Hipsters, and Feeling Understood
Last Monday, while shopping at Zandbroz, (the best little bookstore/place for funky eclectic gifts and décor in Fargo), someone in the store switched up the music and suddenly I heard Ryan Adams strumming and singing Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood ” above my head. It was early afternoon and the store was pretty dead. I placed my merchandise on the counter and decided to make small talk with the cashier. As the cashier swiped my credit card, I asked, “So do you sell the Ryan Adams 1989 album too?” “No,” he said turning bright red under his grizzly hipster beard. “We don’t sell the music we play in the store.” “Oh,”…
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Bildungsroman
“Blidungsroman.” “Coming-of-Age.” “Novel of Formation.” “Growing Up” J is 13 years old today and officially a teenager. It’s always been uncharted territory with him. He’s always been my mystery child. We’re always trying to figure out what we can do to make him comfortable and safe or what we should do to make sure he can have the best learning experiences possible. Why does he do the things he does? Why doesn’t he experience and feel the world the same way we do? But now, at 13, we’re starting a different type of uncharted territory. Our society eats up coming-of-age stories. YA stories are just dripping of wonderful, painful, angsty material. Go into any…
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Accepting J’s Creative Offerings
I know J’s brain is different. I know sounds bother him. There’s something about Adele’s voice (especially “Someone Like You”)—the pitch and frequency–that puts him in a sensory overload meltdown. Some textures still bother him. Even at 12 he won’t eat eggs or Jello. He still wipes his hands on his shirt because he panics when there is anything wet, sticky, or slimy on them and can’t wait the three minutes it takes to wash and clean them properly. There are a lot of things I’ve just written off with J because the coordination, talent, or patience. His brain and body don’t communicate well sometimes. He’ll never play hockey, football…
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Today’s Victory
J has been “shadowing” the high school cross-country team and tonight marks J’s fourth cross-country practice. I can’t shout louder from the rooftops how proud I am of how hard he’s been working. It’s been a hard week. A lot of learning curves. But he keeps going back, and the high school kids are so great with him. The coaches are so willing to work with us. And he ran the best he’s ever had so far today. Today, he actually said, “no breaks now mom, I want to make it to the next (traffic light, stop sign, road sign, etc) without stopping.” Who’d have ever thought that J would love to run? We started…
