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Grown up lessons
I thought that I was over the whole “I don’t care what people think about me and my family” business, but apparently I’m not. When J was a toddler and I was in the throws of being introduced to the autism experience, I had a sort of crisis of confidence. Not only was my child not “performing” like his peers at peer play groups (and I was enduring daily every mom’s verbal gushing about how wonderfully smart and talented and, well, genius each of there kids were), but I was also struggling with the very public meltdowns. The crying and tantrums at Walmart if we entered the store at a…
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This changes everything
There are very few clear moments of revelation when raising a child with autism. As a parent, the autism puzzle is always on my mind. I’m reading constantly about autism. I’ve gone through phases of intense research on ABA and Stanley Greenspan’s Floortime approach. I’ve read about Temple Grandin, read things written by Temple Grandin, have heard Temple speak on Youtube, NPR, and in person, and while all of these sources have given me a better insight into J, nothing has been a “perfect fit” solution by any means. So when I went to the Lindamood Bell conference last week in Minneapolis, I wasn’t sure to expect. Because I had…
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The therapy of green sprouts in winter
Parenting can be the most stressful, exhausting, frustrating job on the planet. Sure, every once in a while, you get glimpses of fulfillment, but (at least for me) there’s a lot of daily struggle. A lot. It doesn’t matter what phase I’ve been in–newborn, toddler, preschooler, small child (is that a phase?) tween, and teen, they have all been hard in their own way. And even if J is having a great day that doesn’t guarantee that my parenting job is running smoothly–W can have her moments too. About a month ago, in the last cold weeks of January, I was walking through Fleet Farm, and I saw seed packets on display.…
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J can do something most kids can’t
There are very few things that J can do that most kids can’t. In fact, there’s only really two things I can think of off the top of my head: the ability to remember the most obscure information and retain that information (like squaring and cubing numbers into the 10,000s, remembering dates and obscure facts of presidents of the United States, and remembering every exit number in ever state from North Dakota to Kansas). The other? running long distance. The party trick memory is fun for a little bit, but it’s really hard to engage with someone when all you can do is spew random facts at them. And it…
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It’s complicated
The drama on Wednesday started when both kids came running into the car in tears. To be honest, it really caught me off guard. The day had gone really well for me—I felt really productive work-wise and the weather was unseasonably mild–and all of a sudden my car is full of two children in their separate meltdowns. Because I was caught off guard, I didn’t handle the situation with much grace. J was in tears because he was stressed out about something—numbers, letters, and/or staying 2 or 3 minutes later than the bell because he wasn’t ready to get out the door and W was upset because all of this…
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When someone knows autism better than you
Outside of Steve, J, W, and me, there are three tiers of people who understand J’s autism. The first tier is made up of our close friends, family, special ed teachers/paras, and coaches who initially knew nothing about J’s brand of autism but feel a connection with J and ask Steve or I how to best interact with him. They often go out of their way to try to find out more information about autism and because of their interest and determination come up with their own ways of reaching and teaching J. I love the first tier. They make our lives so much easier. They help us bridge that…
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Reflections on choices
Steve and I wanted at least three kids when we were first married. But J came a long and when I was about 6 months pregnant with W, we realized that J was having developmental issues. I don’t remember much of my pregnancy with W –those womb “connection” moments lying still, trying to feel her hiccups and kicks, trying to anticipate her little personality and all of those expectant mother things–because most of the time I was trying to drag a tantruming toddler off the floor–in parking lots, grocery stores, across the apartment. Any spot was a good spot for a meltdown. And then a month before W was born, my…
- autism, Education, home strategies, learning strategies, middle school, modifications, special education, strategies, study skills
Golden moments
Living with the autism experience is a day to day, moment to moment event. There are moments of really hard, heart crushing experiences. Days where you feel like no one understands your child or your circumstances. And then there are the days where there’s a leap of understanding—your child finally understands something you’ve been working months on, or someone reaches out to your child—those golden moments. When I’m having those crappy days, I try to remember that this experience changes so drastically from day to day, that really, anything is possible. One thing that’s been hard for me to figure out in this whole middle school experience is how to…
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The Academy
When J was almost 4, Steve and I decided we’d sign him up for an “All Sports” class. It was a class through the Lawrence, Kansas park district that let young kiddos try out “all the sports.” At that point, we knew J had developmental issues. He was in early intervention, receiving speech and OT, we knew he was on the spectrum, we were just on waiting lists with developmental pediatricians, pediatric neurologists, and the like to find out exactly where. That first session we lead J into a carpeted common room there were multiple stations scattered all around. I don’t remember all of them, to be honest. I remember…
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On books, emotions, and the human condition
While I was in Canada last week, my aunt and I spent some time pursuing Chapters, a bookstore library chain similar to Barnes and Noble. As a mom of a child with autism, I’m always curious to see what books are out there for autism, like how many shelves in the Parenting section are dedicated to autism. Sometimes I wander through the children’s book section to see how many books are written for “typical” children explaining to them what a child with special needs looks like (there are very rarely any of those types of books out on display). One thing I find really strange, is that we don’t have books for…
