teen years
-
Some weeks…
Funny not funny story. Last week and a half has been a little rough. And as I started to write this blog post, I started thinking, hey…last year–at this exact very time–was rough. Last year J had an epic meltdown the day after election day. In fact, he got kicked out of school and I had to bring him home early. And then I remembered, hey…when did I write that post about being in the mid-semester slump? 2 years ago at around this exact time. Guess what happened this week? any guesses? J got kicked out of school for behaviour this Thursday. At this point, I’ve determined he’s an unpredictable predictable…
-
Reinventing Halloween
Last year was J’s last year as a trick-or-treater. It was kind of a rough realization, at least for me, because after all the years of J struggling with Halloween (because of his autism), all of those years to try to get him to learn all of the social rules and nuances of going to a stranger’s house and saying a random, empty phrase (who ever does a trick for their candy?–and since when is it socially acceptable for a kid to demand candy from a stranger?), all those years of learning that some strangers will let you pick out of the bowl and others will think you’re rude if…
-
The helpers
Every time there’s some sort of tragedy or catastrophe happening in the world, I see that Mr. Rodgers meme pop up on the Internet. I’m sure you’ve seen it too: Mr. Rogers in a shirt and tie, with his classic Mr. Rodgers sweater and smile with the words: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” It’s got me thinking that we must be living in some sort of catastrophic lifestyle, because our family is the recipient of great generosity from so many helpers every single…
-
The blessing and curse of a long weekend
Four days, a birthday party, a grandma in town, a walk in the woods, and a final XC meet. It’s been a busy fall break. I worry about weekends like this and trying to make sure the balance for J is right in all of it. Sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we get it right. I think this time we mostly got it right. I think we assume teenagers are a lot like us adults, that they can just go with the flow and handle that balance of weaving between their busy lives of work (homework in their case), extracurricular, and downtime in a fair and balanced way. I…
-
Let’s talk autism and puberty
This is me in grade 9. In the throws of puberty I didn’t know how awkward I really was and so that probably explains why I was somehow still confident enough to like myself (most of the time). I had no fashion sense. I had glasses, although I only wore them when I absolutely had to because those things definitely made me feel ugly. I didn’t wear makeup. In fact it was the end of grade 10 when my mom suggested to me that I might enjoy a makeover at Merle Norman. Puberty has got to be the most awful, emotionally and physically, confusing time in which everyone on the…
-
Glitches vs Emergencies
When the week started, I knew what this post was going to be about. It was going to be about the unexpected things–things for which J has a hard time deciphering the best appropriate reaction. Because of J’s severe anxiety, his brain registers all “unexpected and disruptive things” as something worthy of an emergency type response (aka meltdown). Last week I wrote about how that gets better over time–and it definitely has. But this week had some unexpected and disruptive elements to it that J didn’t appreciate, (and didn’t always respond to in the best way). Still, he’s had worse responses, and we did finish the week with some…
-
Back in the saddle
Our first full week of school is sandwiched between a two day week and a three day week. It used to drive my crazy–this short start, full start, short start schedule. Why couldn’t we just start the school year after Labour Day, like our friends across the river in Minnesota? When J was younger, the spotty school days at the beginning of the year would mess with his poor little routine-seeking autism/anxiety nervous brain. Having just a taste of the new routine only for it to be taken away again for a few days, only then to have a full week, and then a short week when transitions were hard…
-
One year later
This is where we are, one year later. J is into the first five minutes into his first XC race for the season. He’s in a good mood. Minutes before the race I remind him that he needs to run as fast as he can (which I know he doesn’t know what that is yet) to keep up with the pack. Because we all know it’s no fun to start a race from behind. And although he’s near the back of the pack, seconds after the gun goes off, he’s not trailing the pack like he has done every other race he’s run. He sticks with the pack, and as…
-
Band of brothers
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother;” Sometimes I feel like this little bit of King Henry’s St Crispin’s Day Speech (Shakespeare’s Henry V) could be an epigraph for the story of this little Beck family. Not that any of us will ever be household names. Or fight in an epic war front. No one will be revering us for bravery every year. But living with autism has definitely made our family become a “band of brothers.” It really does feel like we’re this small group of people experiencing life in the trenches in a…
-
On “manliness”
While driving home Saturday afternoon, J asked me what it meant to be “manly.” I’m not exactly sure what triggered the thought or why exactly it was on his mind. He’s been asking a lot lately about random vocabulary. But it was an interesting time and place for that question. He was the only male in the car. My mum (who is here in Fargo for a month), W, and I were all headed back from running errands and so three females proceeded to try to explain to J the meaning of this very subjective word. I’ve thought about this word a lot over the years–partly because I’m raising a…
