family
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The Restaurant Deal
Duane’s was supposed to be a reward for anxiety management this week. Since middle school, we’ve started this (unstructured) reward system for J to help him manage his behaviour. I say unstructured because it doesn’t involve a chart or points. There’s no consistent requirement for the amount of good behaviour days to earn this reward. It’s pretty much a carrot on a stick. Bribe really. It goes sort of like this: “J, if you can handle your behaviour and anxiety for the week, we can go to a restaurant of your choice. J, if you can handle your behaviour for the next two days, we can go to a restaurant…
- autism, Education, family, high school, IEP, milestones, motherhood, siblings and autism, teen years
The four year plan
W is the second child in our family, so it’s really rare (as a parent) to experience something that I haven’t experienced with J. In grade 3, J’s whole class made gingerbread houses before winter break, so I knew that when W hit grade 3, she’d be doing gingerbread houses too. When J started touring with the elementary school choir at the mall and rest homes, I knew when W got to that age, she’d be doing it too. When J graduated from elementary school in a “classic” coming of age ceremony with a field trip to the zoo, followed by a graduation slideshow with cake and lemonade, I knew…
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Mom material (and confessions of being an early stay-at-home mom)
I think it was about one month after J was born that I realized I wasn’t really mom material. J was born two months after I graduated from university, and I thought I was pretty qualified for the job. Four years of post-secondary education should be pretty helpful in raising another human, right? I was young, sure, but I had babysat other people’s little humans since I was twelve, so I knew how to entertain toddlers and feed and change babies. This wasn’t rocket science. I knew I would be functioning on mere hours of sleep those first few months, so when J came, and I was up all hours…
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Looking backward, looking forward
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, New Year, and holiday! It’s crazy how fast it’s flown by for our family. Years ago, I would be shouting off the rooftops how much I wanted the kids to be back at school, but over the last couple of years, I really need our time together as a family. We need to play together, because my kids are at the age that they don’t have time to play anymore. And we need the time to catch up on that academic stuff (we are ALWAYS learning in this house), especially since this is the first year of high school and there are FINALS…
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Real Life Instagram
W is the kid that doesn’t want to miss out on anything. She’s a feisty, spunky, little fighter. She’s competitive, she hates losing or getting bad marks in school. She’s an equal opportunist–that goes from anything like women’s right to making sure everyone in the has the exact same amount cinnamon rolls, slice of cake, etc. (Those cinnamon rolls or slices of cake also have to be exactly equal in size, because if someone gets a slightly bigger share, W’s quick to point it out.) I really can’t tell if she’s naturally inclined to be that way, or it’s her birth circumstances–being the second child (and being the second child…
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The “holiday” thing
I’m not very good at the “holiday” thing. Autism doesn’t allow me to take many holidays. If I’m going to take a break from life (for a few hours or days) the number one requirement has to be that I’m by myself. Maybe with another adult like Steve or a good friend. Far away from home. With no kids. Family holidays are never holidays for parents—moms especially. Family holidays for autism families are never, NEVER, holidays for anyone—parents or kids. A lot of times you’re in a place away from home, with lots of other people who are unfamiliar with your needs or schedule, who are all off of their…
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Reinventing Halloween
Last year was J’s last year as a trick-or-treater. It was kind of a rough realization, at least for me, because after all the years of J struggling with Halloween (because of his autism), all of those years to try to get him to learn all of the social rules and nuances of going to a stranger’s house and saying a random, empty phrase (who ever does a trick for their candy?–and since when is it socially acceptable for a kid to demand candy from a stranger?), all those years of learning that some strangers will let you pick out of the bowl and others will think you’re rude if…
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The blessing and curse of a long weekend
Four days, a birthday party, a grandma in town, a walk in the woods, and a final XC meet. It’s been a busy fall break. I worry about weekends like this and trying to make sure the balance for J is right in all of it. Sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we get it right. I think this time we mostly got it right. I think we assume teenagers are a lot like us adults, that they can just go with the flow and handle that balance of weaving between their busy lives of work (homework in their case), extracurricular, and downtime in a fair and balanced way. I…
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Your best is the best
When we came back from our family trip back in July, J was struggling to get back into his running grove. It wasn’t that J didn’t want to run. The runs were just hard. Some of those summer running practices near the end of July were rough. J’s body was physically fine. His legs were strong, his lungs were strong, and he wasn’t battling any injuries. But running is one of those things that if you miss too many workouts it takes a few workouts until you feel like you’re back to where you were, and being inconsistent (and even missing) morning runs on our two week holiday set J…
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There’s no place like home
As a little girl, my parents, sister, and I would pack into the ’88 Toyota Camry (a luxury car compared to our early 80’s Chevrolet Citation) and drive 2 days across Canada (or the “American Way”–hovering just under the 49th parallel) to get to Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario to visit my grandparents and two sets of aunts, uncles, and cousins for a few weeks. My sister and I enjoyed every moment of it (even the middle of Saskatchewan/North Dakota parts–and who would ever guess that one day I’d end up living in North Dakota?). We couldn’t get enough enough of our cousins and grandparents. After all, we only saw them…
