autism
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How sci-fi and Seal got us through the week
Every November I have the chance to do the single mom gig while Steve travels to an academic conference for a few days. It sounds strange, but I kinda like that short time when Steve’s away. Sure, the getting-kids-to-school/homework battle is no fun solo, but conference week means not having to make real dinner and feeding the kids quesadillas and cereal. I get to have free reign over Netflix and can eat the whole Ben and Jerry’s without having to share. It means I can write or curl up with a book while the kids are in bed and not feel guilty about not interacting with anyone else for hours.…
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Hanging up the cape
I was trying to figure out the best way to break the news to J that this would be his last year trick-or-treating. I know J would be crushed about it, because, as I mentioned last year, it’s only been about three years since the whole trick-or-treating thing has worked out in his brain for him. Where the anxiety and social struggles finally settled to a point where he could function enough to let some stranger’s dog jump up at the glass door and bark its head off at him, to get the words “trick-or-treat” out, wait 30-60 seconds for someone to fish around in a candy bowl to come up with a…
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Character development
I feel like I’m hitting that phase in parenting where all of a sudden, I’m connecting with my kids on a different, more mature level. Some of it (unfortunately) has been because of what’s been going on in the news lately. I’m finding myself having discussions about words like “groping” and “sexual assault” during afternoon pickup times. Usually it’s not a problem having NPR in the car when I have the kids around, but even as unflashy and unsensational public radio usually is, there’s just no way getting around quotes sometimes used by recent public figures. Most of these types of conversations I’m having are with W. But J was…
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Doing the same things and expecting different results
So I have this recurring nightmare. I’m in college, I’m weeks away from graduation, and suddenly I realize that I’ve been signed up for a math and didn’t know about it. I show up for the first time, knowing that even if I do everything I can in the class for those last few weeks, I’m not going to pass the class. I don’t know any of the material and I’m too far behind to catch up. The fact that I missed all but two weeks of class automatically sets me up to fail the class as per department requirements. I have zero assignments turned in. Then I realize I’m not going…
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Where do we go from here?
J can’t handle the load he’s got right now. He comes home with hours of homework. He gets home at 6pm after XC and we plug at the homework until 9:30, sometimes even close to 10pm at night. A quick supper. No breaks. No downtime. He’s defiant. He cries. His attention span is shot (remember, the kid already has ADHD). He is beyond exhausted (and I am too). His internal clock gets him up at 6:00 am no matter what time he got to bed. Then he goes to school and refuses to work. The past few weeks have been full of rough, defiant behavior. Then he comes home with…
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XC boys are the best
J’s paras have a theory about short weeks. Short weeks mean trouble. The kids had no school Friday because it was a teacher development day and sure enough, it’s been a rough week. This meds change/no XC/short school week/who knows what else is up complications have been hard. The kind of week where Steve had to make a trip up to the school to help J sort out his behavioural issues. The last few weeks of XC have been hard too—not in the behavioural issue way, but J gets frustrated that he can’t run. I know he knows on some level that he needs it to make him feel even-keel.…
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The fragile and complex autism ecosystem
Even when life is predictable and the autism variables are in homeostasis, I’m always looking at ways to make sure the very fragile and complex autism ecosystem is running in optimal form. Because J has been managing his obsessional behavior much better, because XC requires us to be more disciplined in his school and academic responsibilities, because J’s spontaneous expressive language is getting better and better, it’s been easier to see what deficits need a little more work or attention. Because J has been so cooperative with math, French, and other subjects that require daily after school study, I’ve been able to see that a lot of J’s struggles currently lie in his…
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The Lindenwood meet
When friends or family ask me who’s going to be J’s running partner for the next meet, my answer is, “I don’t know.” I don’t have an answer for them because I try not to drive the coaches too crazy with too many J centred-questions, and thankfully they take my “helicopter mom” persona in stride (I really try hard to keep out of their hair). Each workout and each meet they have been pushing J toward a little more independence and my gut feeling is they really don’t want to set up a runner for him every meet. They had a runner for J in the beginning, but they’ve expressed to me…
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Firsts are hard: Part 2
I really thought J was going to rock that first XC meet. J’s been preparing for this day for an entire year. Last September J started shadowing the XC team, trying to build up his endurance enough so he could at least keep an eye on the next to last runner two blocks ahead of him. J ran almost every day through the entire winter. An entire FARGO winter–winter gear, running cleats, double layers, and even a face mask on some days. J ran through the spring, every day after school with the middle school track team. He built his endurance to four, five, and even reached a six mile run and managed to keep…
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Firsts are hard: Part 1
The last few nights have been rough. My brain has been playing midnight showings of terrible dream sequences like old men with AK-47s shooting at me while I run for my life, me and J running up an AstroTurf cliff for cross country practice only to end up hanging from the top of that AstroTurf cliff for an “ab workout,” or suddenly finding out that I had mixed up my birth control medication with J’s anti-anxiety medication and consequently freaking out because 1) I just gave a bunch of female hormones to a boy going through puberty for two weeks and 2) I might be pregnant. I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s…
