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Life Lately
When J was little I treated his life and experiences as a recovery. I was going to make him better. I knew there was no cure for autism and that because of the complex nature of the neurological disorder there might not ever be one. But I was on a mission to make as many of his symptoms disappear as I could. I was going to make him as non-autistic as possible. I was going to fix him. I cringe when I think about the perspective I had. I would like to think I’m independent and strong and noble, that I see the injustices of discrimination in the world and I stand up for “the…
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The Truth About Santa
Back in April, Steve, W, J, and I had a pow-wow in our living room. Steve wasn’t on board with the idea (he’s the one who loves our kids being little and doesn’t want them to grow up). I’m always the one who wants them to grow up (maybe it’s because of J and his delays; I have that extra push for my kids to be on their own and to ‘get things’). I had decided we were going to tell them the truth about the Easter bunny. After all, J was almost done his first year of middle school and W (even though she’s almost a full year younger than…
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Staying Inside the Lines
I feel like when you’re doing the autism gig, you’re constantly keeping your kid within the lines, corralling them into the spaces society creates. There’s personal boundaries, ethical boundaries, social boundaries. As a society I think that’s how we make sense of the world. Autistic kids are always seeking these lines and laws and boundaries too. Except they have their own lines and boundaries and many times they don’t match up with everyone else’s. Of course, “staying inside the figurative lines” has always been sort of an enigma to J. Figurative lines are more nuanced. You can’t see someone’s personal bubble–and everybody’s is different. You can tell a joke but sometimes it backfires…
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Bildungsroman
“Blidungsroman.” “Coming-of-Age.” “Novel of Formation.” “Growing Up” J is 13 years old today and officially a teenager. It’s always been uncharted territory with him. He’s always been my mystery child. We’re always trying to figure out what we can do to make him comfortable and safe or what we should do to make sure he can have the best learning experiences possible. Why does he do the things he does? Why doesn’t he experience and feel the world the same way we do? But now, at 13, we’re starting a different type of uncharted territory. Our society eats up coming-of-age stories. YA stories are just dripping of wonderful, painful, angsty material. Go into any…
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W, Teen Vogue, and New Territory
This week a fuschia envelope arrived in the mailbox, addressed exclusively to “W,” inviting her to sign up for a year’s worth of Teen Vogue and I thought W? Our W? Teen Vogue you’ve got this girl all wrong. This girl is into dirt and butterflies and sap samples. She loves books and her microscope kit. I have to remind this girl to brush her hair every morning before she leaves our house or else she won’t do it. Her mind is nowhere near fashion, beauty, and celebrities. This girl doesn’t even have her own cell phone. She’s turning 11 this week. But Teen Vogue’s calling card made me realize that things are changing. W starts middle…
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Rites of Passage, Milestones, and Lawnmowers
I have a love hate relationship with rites of passage and milestones. Most of the time I hate them. They remind me of how “behind” J is, or how he’s just not like every other kid his age. I remember going to playgroups watching some babies walk and talk at ten months, their mothers proudly boasting their prodigy child’s accomplishments and then going home thinking, “My baby’s smart too. I know it. He’s just not doing those things right now.” Milestones, physical abilities, rites of passage. They’re all really big things. Some parents hold their children back in school so their kids can have an almost full year advantage over…
