autism

  • autism,  empathy,  family,  milestones,  travel

    A North American citizen

    It’s been really interesting being around J lately. We’ve spent an entire, intensive month relearning how to “read.” In a lot of ways, it’s like watching a baby or toddler discover things for the first time–there’s this genuine thrill of discovering something new. And it’s as if everything is new–like alien from a different planet discovering earth type of new. It’s thrilling and demoralizing at the same time (because I feel like we’re THAT far behind again when I realize how much he hasn’t picked up the “first time around”). Reading is really the impetus for this discovery experience. The way we’ve been reteaching J how to read requires him…

  • autism,  family,  helps,  learning strategies,  reading,  reading comprehension,  strategies

    Calling grandma for backup

    June 8, I got my first, real, spontaneous “word picture” from J. It’s a skill we’ve been really working on over the past month (so much so that my mum has been living with us in Fargo for all of June to help us with it).  J and I went out for a run and I asked him where he wanted to go. His first answer? “Back yesterday.” That’s the typical sort of answer I get from J when I ask him a question. 5 word sentence maximum, always vague. Then I rephrased the question. “J, I just can’t see that. You’re going to have to use your words to…

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  • autism,  mental health,  motherhood,  teen years

    On “manliness”

    While driving home Saturday afternoon, J asked me what it meant to be “manly.” I’m not exactly sure what triggered the thought or why exactly it was on his mind. He’s been asking a lot lately about random vocabulary. But it was an interesting time and place for that question. He was the only male in the car. My mum (who is here in Fargo for a month), W, and I were all headed back from running errands and so three females proceeded to try to explain to J the meaning of this very subjective word. I’ve thought about this word a lot over the years–partly because I’m raising a…

  • autism,  empathy,  family,  motherhood,  teen years

    The heart wants what it wants

    It’s been one week and we’re doing better than I thought. Of course, Monday afternoon was hard–heart-wrenching hard. After coming to terms with saying goodbye to Fred over those last few days, the kids were ready (or as ready as they could be). W had requested to keep his collar, while J requested to keep Fred’s leash and water/food dishes (for the next dog he insisted). Steve came home early Monday afternoon and the four of us went to the park to spend our last hour with Fred together and it really was a special time. I was as mindful as I could be–trying to be present with my kids, with…

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  • autism,  empathy,  family,  motherhood,  teen years

    Saying goodbye

    This post was supposed to be about saying goodbye to middle school and all of the mixed emotions that come from that. But it’s not. I’ll write that one next week. This post is about saying goodbye to Fred. It’s funny isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be nice if life would let you just deal with one emotional event at a time, so you could really process it without anything else going on and just really use your emotional reserves for that one event instead of blubbering over a bunch of different emotional events at the same time? The last day of school and Fred’s downturn happened on the same day.…

  • autism,  family,  middle school,  motherhood,  siblings and autism,  teen years,  track

    A little track family

    W wasn’t so sure if she wanted to join track this season. She had reasons. I think the biggest reason was the one she didn’t bring up when we all sat down at dinner and talked about it. J and I had gone to the first practice that afternoon, but W had decided to stay home. I told her that everyone had asked me where she was, and told everyone that she was still thinking about coming out. “I don’t know, I’m busy,” she said. “And I really liked XC. Track just isn’t the same.” (This is coming from the girl who has never tried track before). “You can do both,”…

  • autism,  cross-country,  exercise,  family,  middle school,  motherhood,  track

    The 10K Gamble and Learning to Trust J

    The Fargo Marathon is a pretty big deal around here. It’s a Boston Qualifier, and a really appealing one at that (Fargo is a really REALLY flat course and the weather is usually decent). There are races all week long for whatever floats your boat: dog runs, kid runs, the 5K and then marathon day which includes the 10K, half marathon, marathon relay, and marathon. The city gets really into it. The neighbourhoods do too–live bands play music to help rally the runners, people bring out orange slices to you, there are posters everywhere and hundreds of perfect strangers are cheering you on. It’s a really cool experience. This year my…

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  • autism,  motherhood

    Making Peace with Mother’s Day

    Steve and I were rather young when we started our family. There were lots of reasons that contributed to our desire to have kids. The idea of a brand new person made from a little bit of you and a little bit of the person you love more than anything else on the planet is just–well, a rather romantic thing. And since those babies would be made by us (who, of course, were pretty incredible people), then our babies would turn out to be the most incredible humans to contribute to society. Because baby making utilizes only the best genetics, fetal development always goes smoothly, and well educated parents, pretty much guarantees a perfect little human.…

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  • anxiety,  autism,  helps,  home strategies,  mental health,  middle school,  strategies

    Let’s talk behaviours

    J got sent home for behaviours on Thursday. For those of you keeping track, yes, J has been sent home twice in two weeks for behaviour at school. So let’s talk behaviours–since this is part and parcel with autism. I think the term “behaviours” is such a funny term to use with kids on the spectrum. I remember one time in elementary school J announcing at the dinner table that he had a behaviour at school and he seemed almost confused by it. “Behaviours” in autism speak means any (or a combination) of the following: scratching, kicking, biting, hitting, pushing, shoving, destruction to someone’s property, destruction to oneself, etc–a euphemism for bad…

  • autism,  empathy,  family

    Long term caregiving

    Between the J’s dentist appointment on Wednesday, J’s doctor’s appointment on Thursday, J being sent home for behavioural issues on Monday, and W staying home from school on Wednesday and still feeling crummy Thursday and me getting strep somewhere in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I’ve been thinking a lot about long term care giving, the stresses it brings, and how people respond to you when you’re a long term care giver. J’s dentist appointment was above average–not great–but above average. I was expecting a superbly perfect dentist appointment like the one a few weeks ago, but this time J started sobbing in the middle of it. Thankfully he wasn’t kicking,…