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The power of mindfulness
Two years ago, I was in Canada visiting family. I was staying at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage, and during the downtime I thumbed through a stack of Macleans magazines and came across this article about mindfulness practice in the public school classroom. It wasn’t the first time I had come across mindfulness practice and children. A few months earlier I had seen a call for autistic teens to participate in a mindfulness study at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg. I decided I needed to know more about this mindfulness business since I continued to see more articles on mindfulness associated with the spectrum, so that fall I decided to take a class…
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The unofficial report card
When I fish J’s report card out of the mailbox, the first thing I always notice is that his envelope is stuffed thicker than W’s. I know what it looks like before I even open it. J’s report card is an excel spreadsheet of a few “real” letter grades mixed in with a whole lot of “S’s”–code for “satisfactory” aka “modifications” aka “not measurable to the other kids in his grade.” J’s report card is also stuffed extra thick because there’s extra documentation and reports for IEP goals included. Report cards are just another reminder that J doesn’t fit in the system the way other kids do. I really hate it. It’s funny to think…
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J verses the tornado
I was anticipating things to get rough with J; the end of the school year is always a cataclysmic event. J’s anxiety breaks the charts because change equates the unknown and the modern day saber-tooth tiger response “is strong in this one.” J had already had a rough bout the week before, having a severe panic attack over the time “2:47 pm”. “2:47 pm” has haunted him all year, but with the end of track, the end of school, and everything else going on he just couldn’t deal with “2:47 pm”, resulting in an epic meltdown—the kind where I get a call from the school and I have to bring him…
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Why it’s more than just running
Right now, I feel like I’ve gotten a little unnecessarily poetic about running. Almost borderline obnoxious. People ask what it’s like running with J or how it’s helping him and I feel like those questions open the floodgates. I get passionate. I get emotional. I talk about it like it’s some religion or diet everyone should try. What’s gotten into me? I’m an English major. I’m a writer. I’m passionate about literature, music, art, and drama. I’m a staunch advocate for the arts and get irate when funding for those programs gets cut while organized sports often remains untouched. Why am I falling in love with organized sports? Why do…
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Transfer Skills
Once, as a little girl, I remember standing in line with my mom at a Zellers checkout and my mom asking the cashier for change in quarters, nickels, and dimes. In school teacher fashion, that summer, she taught me and my sister how to make change—with real money. Not paper cut outs of coins or plastic coins, but real coins. Even back when I was 6 or 7 years old, I hated math, but I remember my mom telling me, “This is important. You’re going to have to know how to do this. This is a type of math I guarantee you’ll need to know.” And I believed her. Because I…
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“Deeper Magic”
A few weeks ago, J came out of his bedroom, looked me straight in the eye, and with a big smile announced, “I had a dream last night.” In the thirteen years I’ve been his mother J has never once talked about dreams. In fact, I’ve wondered if autistic kids dream at all. When W was a toddler and having all sorts of dreams and nightmares (one time after watching the Wizard of Oz, W woke up crying about the flying monkeys she thought were in her room sitting on her dresser and was shocked when we turned on the lights and they weren’t there), J was consistently radio silent…
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All My Babies’ Mamas
Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend and all I can think about is all of the women in my life who have helped me “mom.” The beautiful, strong, intelligent women in my village that do all the things for my children and who be all the things for my children that I can’t be. I think of all the women that have been vital to my survival and as I look through our photo albums I realize I hardly have any pictures of any of them. J has had literally dozens and dozens of moms that have come in and out of his life. Mothers I will never be…
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J’s First Track Meet
Athleticism is something that J has always struggled with. His brain and body just don’t communicate very well. It started with walking–J was a late walker, taking his first steps around 14 months. At first we thought that it was because J was just a conservative kid–a non risk taker. But then we saw other difficulties in his physical development. We learned he couldn’t jump with two feet off the ground when other toddlers his age found no problem with that. Learning to ride a bike was painful–oh so painful. I would plant J on a bike with training wheels and spend hours a week, pushing his thighs down, reaching…
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Bittersweet Moments
My sister reminds me all the time that W’s my freebee. The one I don’t really have to worry about. The easy one. W’s patient, kind, smart, and motivated. She’s naturally a good kid. She’s only 11, and she’s an old soul in many ways. Being a special needs sibling has shaped a lot of who she is. She’s responsible by necessity. She’s been forced to be organized because I’m often busy organizing J’s life. She’s the child who I can always count on. Unlike J, I know exactly how to relate with W. In many ways her brain works in the same way as mine. But as we venture deeper…
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Big Problems/Little Problems
To say that J has a volatile relationship with numbers would be an understatement. J and numbers have a long and complicated history. Numbers were among the first words J picked up in the early years while we were still struggling with speech. J could pick out numbers patterns and knew most of his single digit subtraction and addition facts pre-K. J had an obsession with numbers. He loved numbers. But at around grade 1 / grade 2, he started to develop strange fears about numbers. He’s been living with number phobias ever since. The ones J deems “tainted” or “threatening” change every few months. Right now, one of those numbers…
