family
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Life Lately
When J was little I treated his life and experiences as a recovery. I was going to make him better. I knew there was no cure for autism and that because of the complex nature of the neurological disorder there might not ever be one. But I was on a mission to make as many of his symptoms disappear as I could. I was going to make him as non-autistic as possible. I was going to fix him. I cringe when I think about the perspective I had. I would like to think I’m independent and strong and noble, that I see the injustices of discrimination in the world and I stand up for “the…
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Reconciling the Present with the Future
I think it’s almost impossible as a parent with a special needs child to not be constantly thinking about the future. I’ve been guilty a million times over. I’ve kept a running list of potential professions for J since he was 5. -At 5 I thought he might have a potential career as a mail carrier. He created mental maps and physical maps of the neighborhood constantly, complete with Christmas lights, basketball hoops, and flags. The only big hang-up was dogs. At that time, J was terrified of dogs. -I’ve gone back and forth on the idea of a grocery store bagger or even cashier. It’s a low skill job, and…
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And Then Came Fred
Steve and I never planned on getting a dog. 13 years of marriage and it never came up once, that is until January of 2014. W had gotten a fish tank for Christmas and within a week and a half and three trips to Petco (and PetSmart) we went through five guppies. Five. It was really painful to watch, with W tearfully questioning what she’d done wrong and why they had to “just keep dying.” She’d run to her bedroom everyday as soon as she got home to see if her fish had died while she was at school. Then, while sitting on the edge of W’s bed with an arm full of…
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Never a Controlled Experiment
I feel like maybe I should write this post in installments—in fact, maybe over the next few weeks I’ll go into a little more about our experiences and thoughts on autism and medication. It’s obviously not an experience, story, or discussion that can be summed up in 1,000 words or less. It’s also a very emotionally charged one—some people feel really strongly for or against medication. At this point in J’s life we feel that medication for his anxiety and ADHD symptoms are necessary. That might change. After all, he’s constantly changing. In fact, we saw Dr. R. a week and a half ago and after the nurse took J’s…
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The Truth About Santa
Back in April, Steve, W, J, and I had a pow-wow in our living room. Steve wasn’t on board with the idea (he’s the one who loves our kids being little and doesn’t want them to grow up). I’m always the one who wants them to grow up (maybe it’s because of J and his delays; I have that extra push for my kids to be on their own and to ‘get things’). I had decided we were going to tell them the truth about the Easter bunny. After all, J was almost done his first year of middle school and W (even though she’s almost a full year younger than…
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Staying Inside the Lines
I feel like when you’re doing the autism gig, you’re constantly keeping your kid within the lines, corralling them into the spaces society creates. There’s personal boundaries, ethical boundaries, social boundaries. As a society I think that’s how we make sense of the world. Autistic kids are always seeking these lines and laws and boundaries too. Except they have their own lines and boundaries and many times they don’t match up with everyone else’s. Of course, “staying inside the figurative lines” has always been sort of an enigma to J. Figurative lines are more nuanced. You can’t see someone’s personal bubble–and everybody’s is different. You can tell a joke but sometimes it backfires…
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Learning How To Breathe
Today the morning routine started out great. J woke up calm, ready to run, ready to eat breakfast, ready to work (middle school starts later in the morning this year, so we’re able to fit in a fair bit of studying and extra practice in the mornings). W had eaten breakfast and was dressed practicing the piano. It was all going great until 8:30, when W couldn’t find her play script and two minutes later realized that it was an orchestra day and she needed to be at school early. After a mad scramble to find her script, we packed up everything and were out the door in minutes when…
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Autism in Banff National Park
We had Bush’s Hickory Smoked Baked Beans last night, and said to Steve, “I feel like we’re eating a campfire.” Because everything in our house now smells like campfire–our tent, sleeping bags, and clothes are all holding the smells of our camping trip hostage. I love it. Steve and I went to Banff two years ago, just the two of us. It was Steve’s first “real” trip to Alberta–the province I grew up in. He fell in love instantly. The Canadian Rockies will do that to you. A few months ago, Steve announced he wanted to do the trip again–this time with the kids. It’s a fourteen hour trip up to…
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When Family Can Help You Settle Your Glitter
I feel like the summer is flying by and we’ll be starting school again in no time. I was talking to a co-worker last week and we both decided that the fourth of July is the halfway mark of summer. After that it’s just a fast downhill descent to the beginning of fall semester. That means J will be soon starting grade seven and I’m not ready for that. We’ve got so many things to learn and work on before that happens. We’ve been working on handwriting, but I want that to be at a better place before school starts. We’ve been working on reading comprehension but not as much as I’d like.…
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Rites of Passage, Milestones, and Lawnmowers
I have a love hate relationship with rites of passage and milestones. Most of the time I hate them. They remind me of how “behind” J is, or how he’s just not like every other kid his age. I remember going to playgroups watching some babies walk and talk at ten months, their mothers proudly boasting their prodigy child’s accomplishments and then going home thinking, “My baby’s smart too. I know it. He’s just not doing those things right now.” Milestones, physical abilities, rites of passage. They’re all really big things. Some parents hold their children back in school so their kids can have an almost full year advantage over…
